Believe It

It’s About Time I Start Accepting My Fate

(Stray by Joe Anthony Berrios/@fist_of_creation on Instagram)

Last Thursday, Dean Haspiel and I welcomed artist, David Jaxon, to the podcast (available Monday) and there’s a point in the show where I’m trying to articulate something and I just can’t quite get there. I’m explaining to Dean how David and I first started working with each other and how he’s a sought after artist in my peer group. I wasn’t quite as adept on camera with my words as I am right now, and I ended up saying something like, “...guys like me, writers, hobbyists...”

And I realized that this was a culmination of negative thoughts I had all week.

I kept on saying to myself that I’m “just a writer.” And it reminded me of when I would be in bands or sing background vocals on a friend’s 4 track demo or whatever, and I would describe myself as, “just a singer.” And this thinking, earlier in the week, was most assuredly a sort of self-sabotage, because I lamented not taking guitar or piano lessons, then not taking art classes, etc. And I was kind of spiraling, losing sight of something important. Something that Ray-Anthony Height always tells me:

“There are hundreds of writers, or more, that would kill to be where you are.”

I’m never good at perspective. I realize that I’m lucky, maybe even talented, to be where I am, but the question is always, “Where exactly am I in this career?” If I go to work 5 times a week, have two days off, that means I have a full-time job. Then, I suppose, I’m not a freelancer.

But am I a hobbyist?

I don’t think so. I mean to say, I don’t have enough information on what the term “hobbyist” means to most. I can only speak to what it means to me. A hobbyist, to me, would be someone who carries a certain amount of casualty to their hobby that, by defining that casual nature, would make them occasional participants in that hobby. When I think of a hobby, I don’t think of D&D, but I do think that painting miniatures is one. It enhances the game play, but it’s not necessary to enjoy the game.

Writing, for me, isn’t that casual. Lettering isn’t, either. It’s not that I’m creating something that distinguishes one from the other. It’s not the passion, either. It’s the sweat equity. It’s the fact that every few days, I am coming up with a new story or character…and sometimes? Sometimes they’re for my fellow creators. Sometimes these things are just proliferating on their own, so I just follow the flow. Skateboarding is a hobby until it becomes a sport, and only you know when that is.

It’s not a career, but it is a vocation. It’s a dedication of your time and effort that isn’t a job, but it’s within you. With no disrespect to those that 3D print Iron Man costumes or paint miniatures or build LEGO sets (because, honestly, I’d be doing it too if I had the printer, or the paint, and I definitely build LEGO sets), I think what separates my vocation as an author/creator is that it’s not something I can shed. I am constantly creating. I am constantly working on these things, even at my job, which isn’t easy. It’s not that my job is particularly hard or difficult to parse, but it goes back to time management. In the past week, I’ve created a few characters for background extras in a scene in UNDERBOSS, which I just finished the first script of, and started working on a story for an anthology and today, I was offered a spot in another anthology. That’s not a hobby, right? Even by YOUR definition?

So, why did I use that term?

Because sometimes…more than sometimes…I feel like I’m just not doing it hard enough. Even with Ray’s encouragement always in my ear, I can’t quite see what I do as being a serious drive into that next gear.

I’m not a hobbyist, no, but making comics…making stories is my vocation.

And before you ask, yes, I consider myself a pro because I believe being a professional is more about attitude and how you carry yourself than it is about the amount of credits under your name.

Let’s go out on a high note; The STRAY: REQUIEM 1-3 KICKSTARTER IS FULLY FUNDED! We’re sitting at 160% funded with 12 days left to go, and we’re 8 backers short of 100, so if you’re sitting on the fence, JUMP OFF and JUMP IN! Here’s a page from the back up, Opposite Day, written by Danny Faust with art by David Jaxon and Mat Major just to whet your whistle! Don’t wait!

Campaign ends on Friday, April 10!

-V